J8: Life after Barmitzvah

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Programming Ideas

Introductory note

How you give over this topic depends on the age of your audience. If they are pre-BM then talk more about expectations, whereas if it's a post-BM audience, concentrate on memories and reflections. With a little thought, most of the ideas that follow can be adapted for both cases.

For Openers...

Here are a few ideas to open your programme.

- Write these 10 phrases on the board: Read from Torah, Big Party, 12th/13th Birthday, Speech, Invitations, New outfit, Good Voice, Tefillin, Passed the Test, Public Ceremony. Ask them to choose the ones that are essential for a BM. Get a consensus. Point out that a 12th/13th Birthday is all you really need. Quote from Ethics of the Fathers 5:24 "At 13 a boy becomes subject to the commandments" Tell them how the parties got started.

- Tell the worst BM experience story you know. Root it in reality, but exaggerate for fun. Feel free to borrow from the True-ish stories section. Here's an idea: begin by saying: "Everything I'm going to say in the next 3 min is absolutely true". When you finish say, "OK, I spoke for 5 min and for the last two I've been lying my head off! But wouldn't it have been great if that had happened!" If they like your story they might be willing to tell theirs.

- Write in big letters on the board: "I didn't like my Bat/Bar Mitzvah because..." Get them to dish the dirt and write it underneath. Contribute yourself if they're being a bit reticent.

- Write 10 names on the board. E.g. Moses, King David, Your Grandmother, Rabbi Akiva, Eyal Berkovic, Joseph, Golda Meir, Steven Spielberg, Queen Esther and Hillel. Ask them which ones were Bat/Bar Mitzvahed. Explain that Bar Mitzvah celebrations go back to about 14 Cent. and Bat Mitzvah equivalents are very recent indeed.

Hunting the Source

Ask them: What they think Abraham, his grandson Esau and his great grandson Levi did on their 13th birthdays? Are they good role models? What are the modern parallels? Talk about the characteristics of Abraham (I don't want to be like my father!), Esau (We don't need no education!) and Levi (You mess with me, you get hurt!) that we all have within us. Why aren't we told these stories as children?

The Dangerous Years

Tell them about the Baruch she'pe'tarani blessing and discuss why the age of responsibility for mitzvot is at the dawn of teenhood. The blessing recognises that parents can't entirely cope with an adolescent. The stories about Abraham, Esau and Levi imply that that's how it should be. Talk about how BM is more about biology than ceremony. It's about growing up. It's not a religious publicity stunt.

The ride of your life

- If you could choose how you wanted to be a "Jewish teenager" what would you do? If you ran a Jewish secondary school, how would you teach Jewish studies? Explain the five aspects on the previous page: Finding mentors, Reading books, Attending group, Arguing and Taking responsibilities, and ask them which they think are the most important. Encourage them to come up with their own ideas. Draw up a "Jewish Teenager Manifesto" with all their good ideas and send it in. Don't let them get away with complaining about boring teachers, unfriendly Synagogues and cliquey clubs. ASK THEM WHAT THEY ACTUALLY WANT. Explain that a Jew after post-BM is responsible for their Jewishness or the lack of it. Can they really make an informed choice about their lives if they've never investigated their cultural heritage. Be honest and tell them what excites you about being Jewish and what gets you down. Get them thinking. Give them Joel's deodorant analogy and tell them about being a mensch.

Sumptuary laws - Party on dude?

Should we be allowed to spend as much money as we like on parties celebrating religious events? Is it hypocritical to have a lavish do when Tzedaka (charity) is so needed? Teach them the history of the Sumptuary laws and ask them if they think they're a good idea. Are they practical? Will people (Jews!) listen? BM boys and girls can get embarrassed if their parents can't throw as good a party as their friends can. Is that fair? What kind of limits could be put on modern celebrations?

Bar-Bat Blues

This will work for a mixed or single-sex audience: Ask the girls to think of reasons why BAR-Mitzvah is so special for boys while asking the boys to think of reasons why BAT-Mitzvah is so special for girls. Having to talk about how the other sex relates to their BM, you will get them to think about their differences. Should the ceremonies be the same? Is that the central issue? If young Jewish men and women will have different roles and responsibilities in the community should this be reflected in their BM? Try and encourage them to understand each other's opinions and get a glimpse of what it's like to be the opposite sex. Why do girls have a BM a year earlier than boys? In what ways are they more mature? Is it that boys like to be immature?

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