J8: Life after Barmitzvah

Issue Navigation:

The ride of your life

Here's a list of ways that many a Jewish teenager has taken hold of their own life. Yes, most live at home and yes most don't do their own washing, but every step of your own choosing is worthwhile. This is going to get personal, but I don't know any other way of dealing with this stuff:

- Mentors: Choose who you listen to:

The truth is out there. Finding your own way doesn't mean reinventing the wheel. It could be a good teacher, youth leader, cousin, family friend or even your parents that you connect with. Find a person who you think can help and learn from them. Here's a test: if they're interested when you ask them hard questions about God or whatever it is that really means something to you - then spend time with them. Rejecting Cheder and demanding a private teacher that you actually want will really help you be the Jew you want to be. 3000 years of Jews behind you are not there to guilt you into being Jewish, they are there to help you on your terms. Choose your own learning path and you may find what you're looking for.

- Books - Dust 'em down:

We're not called the People of the Book for nothing. There are books that will make you laugh and cry. Books that will tell you about ideas and values that you always knew were important - and some of them are Jewish. The surprising thing is, they could already be on your shelf. Find a writer or a style that speaks to you and read and read...

- Youth movement/club:

There's something very powerful about youth groups. They are a potent mixture of wild fun, a good social, a great laugh, serious education, big dreams and hopes. You may hate one, so find another. People of your own age are worth talking to. If you can't find a group you like, start you're own, you know what you want.

- Disagree:

Don't trust what you read. Especially in The Jampacked Bible. If you read/hear/learn something that doesn't make sense then find out the truth. Ask questions, challenge your teachers and don't put the blame on Judaism until you've investigated it properly.

- Take responsibility:

Why wait to be asked? Claim your birthright. Every Jew has equal access to their heritage. You're reading this so you're already a Jewish educator. It's not a qualification, it's a way of life. You learn and you pass on. You absorb and you share. You don't need to be a Rabbi to teach. True, the more you learn the more you have to offer, but don't use ignorance as an excuse for not speaking up. Don't be an observant Jew - Participate!

Bar-Bat Blues

Let's be honest, it's not the same. This chapter of the JPB tries to treat Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah together, but that's difficult. In Judaism, the religious role of the male has historically been far more pronounced than the female. Certain rites associated with the Bar Mitzvah are, in most cases, performed only by men. Starting to wear Tefillin is a prime example.

It's only in the this Century that Bat Mitzvahs have really taken off. In 1963, Rabbi Yitzchak Nissim, a leading Israeli Rabbi, was asked about Bat Mitzvah celebrations for 12 year old girls. He replied: "The reason Bar Mitzvah occasions are celebrated in all Jewish communities is that as soon as the boys of 13 are initiated into keeping mitzvot, they can do the immediate mitzvah of putting on Tefillin on weekday mornings. Girls however, do not have an immediate special Mitzvah to perform when they reach religious maturity at 12. But this does not imply that they should not rejoice on the day they enter the world of mitzvot. On the contrary, this occasion should be celebrated..." Quoting Rabbi Ya'akov Yechiel Weinberg, he goes on to say "...The discrimination we make between boys and girls on reaching puberty heavily disturbs the feelings of the adolescent girl, who has in other fields reached full equality".

Jewish communities around the world are to this day struggling with these issues. In Orthodox Synagogues, a Bar Mitzvah boy will read from the Torah while a Bat Mitzvah girl will deliver a Torah speech to the community while in Reform, Liberal and Masorati Synagogues, a Bat Mitzvah girl will also read from the Torah. The question is: what is best way to introduce a young person to their responsibilities? Should we be concentrating on public displays of Jewish commitment like reading from or speaking about the Torah on a Shabbat morning or are private and gradual commitments more personal and memorable? A wedding, no matter how fancy or moving, is only the beginning of a marriage. Commitment to a lasting relationship takes time. Similarly, BM is only the beginning and time should be invested in working out how to develop Jewishly. As important as modern and equality-conscious Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremonies are, isn't what happens next even more so? What do you think?

Next Page