J8: Life after Barmitzvah

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What about the party?

As you know from your own experience, Jewish tradition has spiced up BM into a major event. Here's how it happened: A few hundred years ago, the Rabbis figured it would be a good idea that as soon as you are personally responsible for keeping the mitzvot (commandments), you should immediately do one very publicly. Being called up to read from the Torah is about as public as you can get - so that's what they picked. Traditionally, only men read from the Torah, so only 13 year old boys had a public Bar-Mitzvah display. Meanwhile 12 year old girls just got on with being Bat-Mitzvah without the publicity. Nowadays, things have changed and girls too give a performance. In some synagogues she may be called up to the Torah and in others she will stand up and teach Torah to the community. Once BM went public, a party was inevitable. Family and friends got invited for the special day and as every stereotypical Jewish mother says: "People have to eat!" - so food was served and the music, dancing and elephants eventually followed.

True-ish stories

So many parents throw a BMbash that it's become a part of Jewish culture. Many weird and wonderful things happen on that day. Here's a short selection:

- There's the family that became a circus: father ringmaster, mother trapeze artist and one very embarrassed 13 year old star on an elephant.

- There's "The Barmitzvah Boy" 1970s film where he walks out of Shul and performs privately in the park for his sister while standing on his head.

- There's the party where all the "young people" sneak out for a whiskey and cigarette while the adults do the samba.

- There's the one where the ballroom dancing is cordially opened with the Bat-Mitzvah girl dancing with her proud (yet rather clumsy) father.

- There's the one where everyone gets white T-shirts with "I survived Jerome's Bar-Mitzvah" printed on in bright purple as going home presents.

Though everyone has a different experience, the BM "event" is so intense that many of the good, bad and ugly aspects of families get mixed up with it.

Sumptuary laws - More on partying

During the Middle Ages the Rabbis introduced a series of decrees that have come to be called sumptuary laws. These forbade various practices and were introduced to limit conspicuous consumption (excessive indulgence) at a time when there was anti-Jewish criticism that accused Jews of ostentatious and overly luxurious living. These laws generally limited the size of feasts at celebrations, as well as the dress and jewellery that could be worn. E.g. the Rhenish synods of 1202-23 decreed that only those who attended the religious ceremony could join in the party afterwards (Didn't pray? Can't stay!).

The 1615 conference in Poland declared that people could only wear two rings on weekdays, four on Shabbat, and six on festivals. Because of the diversity of dress customs among different communities a Rabbinical decree in Spain (1432) could not make general rules in this area. It was decided, though, that each community should create its own rules, which the members of the community would follow. The problem of over lavish Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrations (weddings too) is still around. It's a question of priorities and whether we should be celebrating our wealth or celebrating our Judaism.

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