J8: Life after Barmitzvah

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Hunting the Source

Moses never got BMed. Neither did King David, Jeremiah or Esther, and they turned out alright! They never made a thank you speech and they didn't naively promise to service the community either. Was there any significance to turning 12/13 in the Torah? Yes there was, but you have to look deep in midrash to find it. Here's what happened:

- On the morning of his 13th birthday, young Abraham woke up early, went into his father's shop (IDOLS R US) and trashed the place. In one blow he turned on his family, his religion and his dad's business. Not really a good model for Bar Mitzvah boys is it? OK, try this...

- As young boys, Jacob and Esau, the same age sons of Isaac and Rebekah, both attended school and behaved well. Come 13 they split. Jacob studied hard and followed the one true God while Esau dropped out and started hanging with the local Canaanite women. Soon he was into idols and all sorts of wicked stuff. His dad turned to God and said the bracha (blessing) which is now traditionally said by parents at their child's Bat/Bar Mitzvah: Baruch she'pe'tarani may'onsho shel zeh, which means: "Blessed is God who has freed me from the liability of being punished (for the horrible things) this (kid) does." Again, this story isn't very "PC". Let's do one more...

- Years later, Jacob's daughter Dinah (not quite 12) was seduced by a Canaanite called Shechem. Then he asks to marry her. Shimon and Levi, two of Jacob's sons, cut a deal: if every male on Shechem's estate is circumcised they'll OK the marriage. Shechem honours the deal but he's been set up. Two days after the delicate op, Shimon and Levi take their swords and kill all the convalescing men, avenging their sister's honour. Jacob is stunned and screams blue murder. Yup, you guessed, Levi was 13 years old at the time. Not something you want to advertise now is it?

The Dangerous Years

Genesis is suppose to contain all the traditional stories that make us good Jews. In Cheder, they taught us that Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and all the rest of them were the good guys we should be modelling ourselves on. So why at 13 were they Men Behaving Badly? The fact is, the BM age is the beginning of adolescence. It's the dawn of the teen years - the dangerous years. Now is the time when kids turn on parents, put locks on their rooms, experiment, stay out late and find their own way. Abraham had to reject everything he came from to find his way to God. Every parent makes the blessing: "Blessed is God who has freed me from the liability of being punished (for the horrible things) this (kid) does." (p.371 New Singer's Prayer Book) because there's a bit of Esau in every teenager. Shimon and Levi decided for themselves what they thought was right, even if it angered their father.

These midrashim (traditional in-depth descriptions) on the characters in the Torah teach us some valuable lessons about what it means to be Bat/Bar Mitzvah. The reason we must take responsibility for our Judaism at 12/13 is because that's when we start taking responsibility for our lives. We really begin to grow up. Of course not all in one go - it's a long process, but Judaism gives us our religious responsibilities just when we start becoming independent. That's what BM is all about. The publicity stunt, the party and the presents are not at the core of BM... you are. By making the BM the end of Jewish education, by making it the goal of Cheder, we lose sight of what the Torah is teaching us. BM is the beginning of your own life. It helps to be prepared...

Of Menschen and Deodorants

Finally, listen in as Joel Grishaver explains to his student why Bat/bar Mitzvah is like a deodorant:

"Why a can of deodorant? Not because of the smell - even though your body is changing, growing hairs, and needing it. Rather, because a can of deodorant teaches us an important lesson. For almost fifty years people used to spray deodorant under their arms, used to spray paint onto rusty metal chairs, used to spray wax onto tables that needed to be polished. Spraying things was easy. It did a lot of work quickly, and there was little to clean up. Then we learned that spraying our underarms so we didn't stink, and the other things we were spraying, were destroying the ozone layer and would ultimately end life on earth. Something as harmless as RightGuardŽ could end the world. The lesson here is that being a good person isn't just not stealing, not robbing, and not raping - it takes a lot of thought. Just "doing no harm" isn't easy. learning to make a difference, to be just one person and change the world is much harder. In Yiddish there is a word, mensch, which means "man". But in Yiddish it means the ultimate a person can be - being a real person (not a poser). In English we think just the opposite; being a person is a limited thing. We say, "What do you want from me? I'm only human." The Jewish idea is that being a total person is the ideal - that's a mensch."

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