J4: Elderly

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Looking young

One possible place to search for positive approaches towards old age is with the rich and famous. They have the power and the money to live out their twilight years how they want to, so maybe they are a good example. But what we see is shocking. They try and look young! Wigs, face lifts, tummy tucks, liposuction, beauty treatments... everything that money can buy so that they look young and healthy and hide the embarrassing signs of ageing. So ingrained are the youth and beauty cultures in our society that given half a chance people try and live that way forever. Every ageing Hollywood actor has a full head of glistening white hair, while ageing actresses won't be seen without full makeup. Are we really supposed to look stunningly young and beautiful all our lives?

Days as clothes

In the West, retirement and reduced family responsibilities means that old people have a lot of time on their hands. Unfortunately, the elderly are often treated as a useless burden to society. Nothing is expected of them so they "while away" their time with endless card games, daytime TV, retirement villages or travel for those who have money. Of course social services and volunteer organisations care for their needs, but we don't really see old age as a time when anything worthwhile can be achieved.

The Torah presents things completely differently, again through Abraham: "Abraham was old, coming into days" (Genesis 24:1) OK, so he was getting on a bit, but what on earth does "coming into days" mean? Our Sages (Zohar I:224a) offer a moving interpretation:

All the days of a person's life are laid out above one by one. If a person leaving the world merits, they come into those days of their life, which become a luminous garment... Woe to the person who wastes his/her life.. as they come to be clothed in the days of their life, the ruined days are missing and they wear a tattered garment. If there are many ruined days, then they will have nothing to wear!

Abraham...what was written of him? He "came into days..." he came into the days of his very own life and put them on to wear. Nothing was missing from that precious garment - Now that is came into days!

Old age lets us "wear the days of our life" as a complete garment. Growing old is not the end of life, it is the culmination of life! Only in old age can a person become whole. Ageing can be a process of integration, internalisation and consolidation. All the details and experiences of life join together to make a whole person. All the memories interlink to give you a clearer perspective of life.

Right the way through life we are constantly trying to achieve things, whether it be a good education, a stable job, or a happy family. We are always looking to the future, seeking out new accomplishments. In old age, the time of achievements is passed and a person is free and able to actually think clearly about their life. In the words of a terminally ill patient, "I've stopped scheming, prearranging, preparing. I haven't lost the future; I've found today."

That is why old people do not need to prove anything to anyone, they can just be. Everything that they have done, whether good or bad has become part of them. They have literally put on their lifecoat, and however the coat looks, it is their coat. They made it, and it makes them who they are. In a way they are more alive than us, for they are our elders.

Elders is a word we don't use enough anymore. In Hebrew, the world elder, "zaken", is seen as a construction of two words: "ze kana", which means "This one has it!" i.e. they are the ones who are full of life!

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